less than-slash-three.

in symbols. </3 
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it should be me, who's with her right now. . .but the hell i failed.
my fault. it took me hours before i finished everything. and she has no choice but to be with them. with him.
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i can't stop myself from thinking, i can't stop myself from being a nonsense guy again. 
but as she said. CHILL.

yea. chill for now. i will always chill. for her. 

ENOUGH!

some people say: "let her go, you do not deserve her", "enough of the stupidity, wake up!", "you can't make it", "she left you, move on!" and other things that will stop me. Well, i thank those people who uttered those words in front of me. Thank you for pushing me to do those things, but it won't change my decision. 

i'll keep the fight on, no giving up, no surrender, and i'm not gonna lose her. til the end i'll stand. if there are thousands of reasons of giving up. then i'll find a single reason to keep the battle on. 

gonna be on her darkest days, gonna be on her side all the time, no mistakes from the past will be repeated. everything will be perfect. 

it is my own way of loving someone, loving miss R, and loving myself. 

-Scarlet

something i fear a lot.

FEAR. 

it is overpowering me. it is beating me. it is crushing me. it is changing me.
it keeps on pulling a darker me. it keeps on making that darker side go on rage.
it keeps on destroying every bits of patience i have.

if i let that happen. it'll, for sure, ruin everything in place right now.

gonna keep the battle on. gonna defeat that FEAR. gonna overcome the darker me. gonna beat the hell out of him.

this is my brain, this is me, and this is where the only place i am the most powerful. 
this is where i rule. only i can stop my darker side from going crazy again.

gonna keep it up.

lately. things are in favor of me. and i am happy about this. well, i do have plans but those can wait.
enjoy everything right now. . .that's what i have to do.
no forcing of things. no other things to think. no problems to entertain.
i hope things are meant to be in this way. no rushing of making her fall for me. i'll just be there, a friend, a best friend, or even a brother.

Now,

what lies ahead?

i don't care.


"Do nothing, smile and everything will be okay soon" - Meso sad


-Scarlet

making sense. . .

i remembered something,

.

.

.

be a better person for the one i love. . .

i almost forgot that promise to her. . and right now, i am sure, and i will be doing that promise.

everything will change on my side

as i am always saying to her: i have bags of patience, tons of love and understanding.

i realized, those aren't enough. . .she deserves more. she deserves to be a princess under my care. 

and now, it is time to change.

time to make her feel that she's the most beautiful girl in my eyes.

and love everything about her, especially her craziness. her laziness. her being moody. 

time to chage.

a better Jelal,

that would be me. 

i don't care, i still love you!

confessions. . .

such confession killed me, crushed me, and wrecked me.

.

.

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that was too hard for me to accept. . .but still, i don't care. . .i love her. 

.

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i love her and i should be contented having her back on my side again. .

-Scarlet

hit me hard. . .

let's name her HAPPY. and hell she's making me happy.
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the fair skin. rosy chicks. straight hair.
the attitude. it keeps me from liking her.

i dunno why. but we keep on exchanging glances, smiling at each other,
...

she's happy. i'm happy.

gotta be contented with this. gotta do things slowly.

getting over you. .

i wanna get rid of you.
i don't wanna care.
i don't wanna see you.
i don't wanna hear from you.
i don't wanna be with you.

and yes i wanna get over you.
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but those things are impossible for me.

'coz I love you. miss R

WAS. . .

now i am just a mere social network stalker. . .
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i WAS her boyfriend. . .yeah WAS. . .
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and now, i ended up staring at her pictures online, i can't even chat or talk to her.
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what a waste,

i missed her, a lot . . .


and i can't do anything

Social Network Stalker.

Wondering around Bonifacio High Street last night. We saw a guy with his guitar. following him with our eyes, he stood under a post and started playing. the first thought that hit my mind was, "Is he broke?" but the way he looks, he isn't. well i guess he is just a talented guy who want to share his talent with the people around the area. He sang very well, with his powerful voice, we listened to him.
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all songs were good, but one song remained on our minds. Social Network Stalker. =)
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something about me. . .

well, lets try not posting about miss R today.
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been tired the whole day with my friends. Zealous, at MattIvory. (all anagram)
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i didn't enjoy that much but still happy to be with them, somehow i forgot miss R.

anyway,

I am happy, happy to be like this. . .i dunno if i really do. .

o i guess i do have some problems with myself.
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lets talk, anyone i can talk to out there? =)

i'll be two steps behind.

facing my computer. i suddenly remembered what i promised you, miss R.

.

.

to be there all the time. to be by your side. to be your guide. 

.

.

now that you are wishing me out of your life. how can i do it? 

. . . how can i be everything for you. 

i pledged my whole life to you. and now i don't know what to do.

LOST. " "

things changed now. . .

things aren't the way it was before.
everything changed.
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i lost someone.
ended up to nothing.
losing myself.
becoming hopeless.
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i just missed the old days. the days that i was with her. WAS.
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i hope one day. she comes back.
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and we can continue our song. our PAUSED song.

something new. . .nah, just kidding

miss R.
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i miss you. . .you are someone i really can't get over with.
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and i guess.

i have to go on, loving you. =(

what lies ahead. . .

i hope i can still change everything. . .

i hope i can still do something. . .

reconstruct everything, fix every mess, and have everything back in its place. . .

now, i can only rely to hope. chances are gone. opportunities wasted.

. . .

what will happen next?

still blank,


can anyone help me?

someone is looking for her. . .

this afternoon. i am busy playing LOL.

suddenly,

grandma: asan si [insert name here], isusumbong kita sa kanya. . .
(it is because i'm playing tricks on my grandma)

me: (no comment)

grandma: mamaya ba pupunta si [insert name here] dito?

uhg. . . my grandma misses miss R. . .and i'm so sad about it.

. . .

i also missed her, i missed her more than anyone else do. . .

losing her. . .it kills me

What happens when you lose someone? 

someone very important to you. someone who you treated your everything. someone who held your life. and someone you love the most.

it is simple,

you get ruined. you get lost. you feel useless. you feel senseless. and as if you fell off the cliff. 

words aren't enough to describe how i feel right now. i am so useless.

i lost her. and now, i am also lost. 

if only i was given a chance to wish for something that will be granted . . . that will be,

"please God, take good care of my princess, give her the best, what she deserves, and make her life full of happiness. . .

hope miss R can see this.

those words came out of my mouth already. yet, i know that those were just lies. lies to make myself not see the reality. lies to tell her that i do not love her anymore. lies that keeps me from moving on. 

but still, those were lies.

i love her. that's the reality. a reality that keeps on hitting me so hard. yes i know i really love that girl. the girl who changed me. the girl who taught me how to smile. 

now, 

she left me. she decided to get rid of me. i just lost the most important person in my life. no, to say it right. "i just lost my life" that would best describe it.

what makes her decide to leave me? obviously. my fault. my temper. my jealousy. 

i treated her my princess, my everything. 

but i ruined it with my words. words that aren't true. words that are said just to make here realize something. but. . .

still. . .

I lost her.

still. . .

I love her. 

I still don't know what to say. . . =(